About Me

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I'm 30 years old and, even though some people hate the idea of leaving their 20s, I embrace getting older (I like to think I get better with age!). My entire world revolves around my two amazing, full-of-life, little boys- Jake and Eli; I never believed in love at first sight until I held those beautiful boys in my arms. I'm a passionate person and give 100% in everything I do, whether it's parenting, my job, or my relationships. I am extremely competitive, driven, and motivated... I really, really hate to lose. I love my God, my family, and my country. Enjoy cooking, writing, reading, and baseball- especially the Texas Rangers. I'm extremely interested in getting to know people/people development and ask daily questions on Twitter to aid in this endeavor. I'm constantly trying to better myself; I never want to stop growing as a person. I'm terrified of complacency, but have an ability to find happiness in any situation. Bloom where you're planted. I love life and believe in experiencing it to the fullest. I'm learning as I go and definitely having a ton of fun along the way!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Ooohhh, Jake: How I'm Paying for my Raising and Why I'm Choosing to Laugh About it NOW


             When I discuss my childhood with my family, several words generally come up in the conversation: precocious, stubborn, strong-willed, energetic, smart… TROUBLE.  It’s no news to me that I was a little hard to handle; I remember all-to-well the antics of my childhood.  One situation in particular comes to mind… 
I remember having spent an inordinate amount of time in the corner of Quitman’s finest (perhaps, at the time, only) daycare, Clown Town.  Though I can’t remember the specifics that led to my punishment that day, I do remember my dear teacher Ms. Tammy approaching my sad little stool in the corner and asking me if I was ready to “be good.”  If I was, she persuaded, I could go play with my friends.  Most kids would have jumped at the chance to get out of trouble and into some fun.  Not me.  I smiled at her and said, “Nope.”  This was typical Amanda behavior.
With this in mind, I feel compelled to share the latest happenings with my (ahem) darling  3-year-old, angel-baby Jake.  Jake, God love him, is definitely, 100% without question MY child.  He looks like me, acts like me, everything- a little male me.
The past two weeks at his daycare have been especially difficult.  Complaints from the director have ranged from inability to listen to refusal to keep hands to himself.  Now, I’ve never been thrilled with these conversations, but I also never thought that these actions were completely uncharacteristic of a 3-year-old boy.  The director evidently disagreed.  Seriously, imagine my surprise on Wednesday when the director, we’ll call her Ms. Jane, calls and tells me that they can “no longer control” Jake and they have made the decision to “dismiss” him from their daycare.
MY THREE YEAR OLD WAS KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL?!?!?! ?  Was she serious?  The only thought that crossed my mind was, “You can’t control a three-year-old???  How can you NOT control a THREE-YEAR-OLD???”  Ugh!  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to admit that my little Cobra, as I call him, can drive me N-U-T-S, nuts, but he is rarely uncontrollable at home.  Generally he listens.  If he doesn’t, he’s punished.  Simple, right?
It goes without saying I was a little, what’s the kindest way to say this… frustrated… when I arrived at the boys’ school to pick them up later that day.  I have a seriously long fuse, but once I’m mad, watch out – there are few natural disasters more severe than Hurricane Amanda and as several teachers witnessed, an unseasonable storm rushed through daycare on a suspiciously sunny and beautiful Wednesday afternoon.
Now, before I go on, it’s important that I note that my frustration wasn’t solely reserved for the daycare.  I was EXTREMELY, repeat EXTREMELY upset with Jake.  He knows how to act, he knows how to mind, and the fact that he opted to do neither of these has infuriated me beyond belief.  But, to kick a 3-year-old out of school simply seems to send the wrong message.  I’m constantly encouraging Jake that he’s not a “bad boy;" he’s a good boy who sometimes makes bad decisions.  The last thing I want is for my little boy to think he’s bad.  I believe in the power of persuasion and often think back to The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian where Trumpkin says, “You get treated like a dumb animal long enough, that’s what you become.”  I don’t want my children to ever feel as though they have a reputation, especially a negative one, they have to uphold.
The next day, after having a little time to cool down, I called Ms. Jane.  I apologized for not being my normal friendly self, but was also quick to point out that I felt completely justified in my frustration, I didn’t agree with the decision, and was disappointed in the way everything was handled.  At this point, Ms. Jane started to cry and said that they’ve had to dismiss children before, but this was the first time they’d dismissed a child who wasn’t mean-spirited.  She said that Jake is funny, energetic, silly-hearted, and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.   BUT, she continued, he talks a lot, often provokes, and is always at the center of attention.  My response?  Silence.  There’s not a word of this that I can argue.
I discussed this conversation with my mom who reminded me that I’ll look back on this and laugh someday.  While Jules is often right, I have to say that on this issue, she was dead wrong.  If I wait until he’s older to laugh about his mistakes, I’ll miss out on the opportunity to appreciate the “now.”  Childhood is so precious, so fleeting, I never want to miss out on breathing in and retaining as much of my boys’ childhoods as I can, for as long as I can.  That is why I’m going to do my best to laugh about this and other adventures NOW.
And, quite frankly, I’m laughing now because I’m not worried about the kid (again, definitely frustrated and he has lost a ton of privileges and spent an excessive amount of time alone in his room this week).  However, as a former troublemaker, I have a strong understanding of the often-squandered potential that is buried inside a less-than-perfect child.
Here’s what I know:  a child who is an “instigator” can become a leader, a motivator.  The “class clown” becomes the friend who can make you laugh when all you want to do is cry.  The kid who is always at the “center of attention” develops poise and confidence and isn’t afraid or ashamed of who he is.  The “chatter-box” somehow always knows the right thing to say.  The “wild child” with too much energy learns to channel that vigor into something he is passionate about.  I look at all of the things that an outsider could frown upon and see how those imperfections are shaping my wonderful little boy into someone I know will someday become an amazing man.
Is Jake perfect?  No.  Do we have things to work on?  Of course and we certainly will.  But I refuse to lose sight of the fact that my little boy is going to be just fine, and even if he isn’t, I’m going to love that guy all the same.  His quirks, even the ones that drive me insane, are the things that make him who he is and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

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